so that's how my christmas looked like

Saturday, January 5, 2019

Where was I?? I'm disappointed with myself that I left the blog for so long. So many things have happened - Yule, Christmas, ups and downs. New scars to my collection and new shame episodes to endure. New year started rough, doesn't spare me - or tries to make me even stronger. I don't have any resolutions - I just want to feel light.


Sunday, December 9, 2018

Every one of us has some kind of a baggage that haunts us in the night. Every person that left makes a scar in our head and in our heart. In the most random moments we’re hit with something that reminds of them. I don’t know how about you, but I have absolutely no control over it. Seeing his favourite snack at the groceries, hearing a song I had so much fun to with an ex friend. It always hits like a rock.
My parents met my dear friend who randomly decided to leave me with no word of explanation - we’ve known each other since we were three. She chatted with them like nothing has ever happened. With no mention of me at all. How is it not supposed to hurt?
I’m not brave at all recently. I’m theoretically fine, but on the very edge. Very vulnerable for everything around me. I received a therapist number from my doctor. I am so afraid to call that I’m just staring at the little piece of paper with the number every day.
Where is my magic and why it works on everyone but me?
Guys, I’m filming vlogmas again this year! Check it out —> VLOGMAS

November walk

Sunday, November 18, 2018

It's been ages since I posted some photos of my beloved hometown. I hope you missed it even a little!
I met for a coffee with my lovely friend - Lola. We're always so inspired and creative together - I knew it will bring something new. The day was very cold, almost frosty but we were totally fine with that. After October being over there's only Yule (Christmas) I'm thinking about. So every frost, cold and snow is very much needed. Enjoy the pictures!


Sunday, November 11, 2018

Little birds told me you'd like to see how my Samhain looked like this year. So I took my camera with me as I was sure my phone won't handle any more autumnal darkness.
What is Samhain exactly? It's the original, pagan holiday that later became Halloween, combining a lot of different customs from all over the world. It brought carved pumpkins for example!
The day symbolizes the end of rural year, giving us a lot of crops to celebrate with. It's a perfect time to forgive, to get rid of bad and toxic energy from our lives and of course it's the time to honor the dead, to bring back the memory of them. Usually it's celebrated with a special dinner, full of crops, fruit, pumpkin, bread, wine or cider (cider for the win!). For the first time in my life I was not alone and it's the nicest feeling to be with someone who cares as much as you do.
Next one is Yule and it collides with Christmas so the whole December will be a one, huge holiday - I can't wait for it so much!
(feel free to ask any questions you might have about pagan holidays, I won't bite <3)

Terrible at living.

Monday, October 29, 2018

Autumn is showing it's ugly face recently. It's early but I can call it - frost is bitting my lips and cheeks every time I go out and stone cold rain is putting out my fire of thoughts. I gave up on challenges and goals - I'm trying to take whatever I can from every free moment.
Although I'm terrible at living these days. I don't get up when I don't have to, I don't force myself to do anything.
I rearranged my room a little bit. Sometimes the tiniest thing makes such a difference!
The mysterious atmosphere of Halloween (for me - Samhain) is everywhere. I had no chance to go to see celebrations in the medieval village I celebrated Litha in but still - I'm pretty excited for the day. It's not "trick or treats" for me, it's a wonderful dinner made of all earth gave us. With wine and cider, candles and pumpkins, dried leaves and conkers. Nature ends it's cycle, the winter begins, loudly driving us all home to hide from cold.

Half past autumn.

Monday, October 22, 2018

Oh how I failed with my B&W photo challange! There were so many colors around me I couldn't simply desaturate them all.
So here are another snippets of my day to day life, filled with work and cold evenings on my way back home.
Street lights shine bright very early, fondly, ineffectively trying to warm us up. Tips of my fingers tingling from cold, wishing my mittens were in my pockets this very moment. October is almost over, and now there's only Christmas spirit shyly waiting to jump on us from behind. Not yet, please, I still have a photoshoot and an autumnal walk to do.

First days of autumn.

Monday, October 8, 2018

You know me well - I absolutely love autumn. Especially that the weather is still so stunning! Every day I see all the trees getting more and more colorful - like they're waiting for me to photograph them. As I absolutely failed in #inktober I decided to give myself small challenges every week of autumn - this one I'll prepare a Black&White challenge! Even though the world is full of colours, I will try to capture a few wonderful moments in b&w pictures. Of course - feel free to join me and let me know in the comments so I can see it.
I've been shattered between the world of dreams and our real world recently. A hectic run between work and home with no pleasure, no joy. I don't agree for such situation, because I'll have to wait a whole year for another autumn.