A gift for a dear blogger friend.

Sunday, October 22, 2017

I can't really tell when I met Caitlyis for the first time - it's been so long! I just admired her skills in photography, she seemed so kind and creative! We're following each other's blogs for quite some time now, so it was such a pleasure to prepare a gift for her and her baby boy, who's coming into this world very soon.
I had an idea to swap parcels with someone dear to me and she was the very first to take part in this.
It was such a great time spent on preparing a package! I've been wandering through shops, looking for the best pieces to put in the box. It's a really fulfilling process of collecting every single item to make the particular person happy.
Here are some photos I took, while packing everything. Unfortunately I've lost some of the pictures, but I saved the rest. I tried to gather all best, polish brands of sweets and snacks. And of what I've heard from Caitylis herself - she and her boyfriend liked them quite a lot. :)
Go and check her blog out, you will fall in love with it, as I did. <3

The girl in a big world.

Friday, October 20, 2017

Cosy pictures go well with everything. So, I really hope you like them and you don’t mind me actually saying how I feel. 
It’s Friday night and I just finished my first week in a new job.
I’ve never thought that I will end up in a high rise building, between 1400 other people, being just a tiny lego brick in this whole puzzle. 
Yes, I landed in an office. 
That’s why last Sunday I went to park, to take some photos, because I was pretty sure that on this particular Monday morning my heart will stop and my head explodes. 
But hey, I’m a lego brick!
I had to stop being a child with a job that doesn’t even pay my bills. 
I was frightened, but on this very Monday morning I put my feet in a fancy lobby to start a new life again. 
Without any experience, without any diploma, with a crazy storm in my head I’ve made it to this point. 
I know nothing about business, let’s be clear. I know how to play piano and how to mix watercolours. But business, finances? 
I almost fell apart from panic, when the lady offered some coffee. I was biting the paper cup very nervously and a manager was all happy about welcoming us in the company. 
Twenty one people in the room, one by one talking about their experience. It made my hands shake, my legs faint. What do I say? WHAT DO I SAY, when I have nothing to say?
I’m Mary, I’m 27, I know three languages. 
Is it enough? It had to be. Cause I won my place in there only by talking about YouTube algorithms, Apple Event in Steve Jobs Theater and a short story that I speak english since I was three. 
English is the official language in the company cause almost half of the employees is from another countries. 
People are very nice in there. Helpful, caring, kind. My trainer is from Greece, she’s very sweet. 
Just my brain keeps messing with me. I’m spaced out more and more often - that’s an important point to tell to my psychiatrist. It’s gonna get me into troubles one day, I know it. 
My brain keeps shutting down when I try to work, I lose control. I hate losing control. 
I smile. I smile a lot. To everyone. Just to look perfect on my new position. And my head is screaming louder and louder, with every minute, cause I have no moment to get rid of emotions. My relationship with the elevator started very passionately - at first it was the only place I could be alone. And now it’s the only witness of me, bursting in tears from anger that I can’t breathe. 
I’m cool. I’m okay. Just suffocating and unsafe, it makes me unstable. 
I’m still learning how to cope. And I know it will pass and I’ll be fine. But it’s the waiting what’s hard.
This waiting for it to pass. 

Stay warm

The Autumn TAG.

Friday, October 13, 2017

The Autumn TAG. How can I NOT be a part of it!? I've been nominated by my sweetheart Caitlis and I'm more than excited to answer these autumnal questions for you, guys. 
I'm very, very cosy today, I don't really feel well. F*** you, PMS, okay?
I'm sitting in my room, covered in my fav blanket with a cup of cactus - flavored coffee. Let's go, let's answers some questions!


It's definitely Kat von D's lipstick - Everlasting Liquid Lipstick in shade Lolita II - I don't own it yet, mainly cause the price is a little overkill, but I fell in love with this colour the moment I saw it for the first time. 


My fav colour for this year is October Russet by H&M. I genuinely love H&M beauty products - for the price they have, it's a very good alternative for more expensive cosmetics.


Autumn is my time to drink sweet and caramel coffees. Also my need for tea increases as the winter is coming (duh!). I really enjoy Starbucks' Pumpkin Spice Latte, but I have a tradition to try it only once, because I don't want to get bored with it. As a result, I'm always jumping happily when this drink is available again.


I'm still looking for a perfect one. Any suggestions? 


My mustard yellow sweater, my burgundy gloves with cut fingers and a burgundy bag. Also I love my vintage, jeans jacket, it's a men's one, but I love how casual it all looks together. *__*


I'd die from panic anyway, so I prefer the maze.


Hm... Red Riding Hood with Amanda Seyfried. I highly recommend, especially the soundtrack!


Are all of them okay? I hope they are.


Probably as myself, hahaha. In Poland we don't really celebrate Halloween - it's not that popular. 


Colorful leaves. Warm rays of sun. Scarfs, jackets, long walks, hot tea.

I don't nominate anyone in particular BUT if you decide to do this TAG, please let me know! I'd love to read your answers! 


Me, myself & I as a song.

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

This idea came to my mind pretty suddenly, at night. I decided to update my personal status and mental health, using songs for every aspect. In the same time, I'm very curious what is the song you can relate to? Why? 
Music is an essential part of my days, it's such a great way to release emotions!
With no further do - here are some songs of my soul.

Mental health
Daughter - No care:
"No one asks me for dances because I only know how to flail
I always look like I'm drowning, dead arms around him
I'd rather stand still, hold tightly to the walls
No care, no care in the world
No care, no care in the world
I don't care, I don't care anymore
I don't care."
Love life 
"I can't forget it,
Though I've tried. 
I know you regret it, love, you told me so many times.
But, I still wonder
You left with her
& left me behind

Take your hands off him
Cause he's the only one that I have ever loved
Please don't find her skin
When you turn the lights out."
A letter to the lover
Julia Stone - By The Horns
"You had me by the throat.
You had me by the horns.
You had me in the same bed,
While it was still warm.
My hair was still on the pillow.
My clothes were still on the floor.
You didn't care, no darling, the hungry always want more.
Oh, my hair was still on the pillow.
My music was still in the air,
You didn't care to tell her why I had been there."
Actual mood
"I wanna hear what you have to say about me,
Hear if you're gonna live without me,
I wanna hear what you want,
I remember December.
And I wanna hear what you have to say about me,
Hear if you're gonna live without me,
I wanna hear what you want,
What the hell do you want?"

My ways to keep my mind healthy.

Wednesday, October 4, 2017

October is my favorite month.
That's the sentence I repeat so much during the autumn, it's already so boring for everyone. But how can you not be amazed by beautiful sun and colorful leaves?
But not whole autumn is like this. We can't avoid rain and wind, that's why I think it's very important to keep ourselves warm and take care about our mental health.
It doesn't matter if you've had any mental issues in the past or not - taking care about it is always a good idea. Today I want to share with you some of my favorite ways to do it, to calm your mind.
They may be cliche but for me there is nothing better!
All the photos you see in this blog post were taken during my weekend in the woods, last weekend. I had a wonderful time and it's my absolute favorite of all the ways of spending some quality time with myself.
There are some places, I have some good memories from, I love to come back there after so many years. It's very calming, and cuts me off reality for a few moments.

Cup of tea is always a remedy. What's your favorite kind? I'm such a huge fan of green and white tea, especially with some fruits. My room is usually cluttered with dozens of empty cups! I live in an artistic chaos but cups are everywhere. Tea and coffee time is the best part of a day. And of course - the bigger cup, the better. My mug collection is so spectacular, that my mom can't stand any new one I bring home.

Tea and a good book is a perfect match. Sit in your room, turn off your phone, turn off the tv. Take a book that's looking at you from the shelf for so long. Give yourself even ten minutes a day. You have no idea how quickly you will get lost in the world of untold stories, colorful characters and beautiful places. Or you pick a bad book and it's all nonsense... Don't pick bad books. :D Make a good research before you buy a book. It's the only reasonable way not to drown in books you'll never read. Been there, done that.
Now I'm in a process of cleaning my library of any books I don't need or I'm not interested into anymore. You can expect me selling some of them in the near future, haha!

Do I really need to mention music? Music, for most of us, is the only way to exist in the society and keep a mind sane. No matter what genre of music you like, it's always such a clearing experience! We feel better when we can find ourselves in the lyrics, relate to the singer in any way...
I'm leaving you my favorite album of the last few weeks. On repeat, all the time.

Self development is such an important part of our lives - if you care about your passions and interests there's a higher chance that your mental health will be stable. Or it'll improve. I started my photography when my world fell apart - now it's the only thing that keeps me going, showing you my works is so inspiring, so motivating! It makes me learn with every shot, keeps me going. Every person should look for a passion - then you'll never be alone even if you think that you are. You'll have something what's yours only. And no one can take that from you. Knitting, writing, singing, gaming? It's all the same. It's all yours.

What are your best ways of self - care? Inspire.


Do you keep a journal?

Sunday, October 1, 2017

Keeping a journal was always a tricky thing for me. I loved the idea, but the lack of motivation was always killing it very quickly.
That’s why I started a blog - I’ve always loved technology so it was a more interesting option.
My first blog was created when I was 11 (16 years ago!!!). It was full of useless football news, cause I was a player myself in that period of time. Now, when I think about it, it’s s funny - no one read it and I was posting match results of my favorites Premier League teams.
Then there were my diary blogs. I was changing platforms and domains like crazy, afraid that someone of my family finds it. I’m laughing so hard right now!
Writing was always my way of expression, especially that I couldn’t draw or paint. The first paper journal started when I had no opportunity to write online. I really had no one to talk to and I had so much on my mind. It leaked on paper immediately. My psychiatrist was and still is always saying that it’s so good to write, to clear out your mind, to put it all on paper and face it. Analyze it. Understand your own self. Because thoughts are just thoughts - they hit you harder when they materialize. It makes choices easier.
It makes you get on well with yourself.
Sometimes I open an old diary of mine on the same page as the actual date is in that moment. Not to live in the past - to see how I’ve changed. How I’ve grown.
I see how much stronger I’ve become as a woman.
At the moment I'm keeping three different journals.
My Traveler's Notebook in passport size - I'm totally in love with the concept and the format! I keep my art, some scraps and my diary in there. At first I had no idea how to set up my Traveler's Notebook - I just knew how popular it became.
But youtube came with help. Now I'm loving it and I carry my little notebook everywhere with me.

Literally few days ago I stared my Dream Journal. Since I suffer from insomnia, it's very important for me to write down every dream I have after I take my meds - they are very wicked sometimes. For this cause I picked up an old, unused, little Moleskine daily calendar - it's thick enough to be used for a long time.

Keeping a Happiness Journal is something very strange for me. I mean, it's a great idea, but I write so little in there. I still punish myself for all my failures, that's why I try to write every, single happy thing in my life. To remind myself that this happens. That happiness is real. And I can't forget about that. Even if I do it so often.

And you? Do you keep a journal? Talk to me.