A cure for reality.

Thursday, March 29, 2018

Some little snippets from my last weeks. I'm numb. My mind is numb. I sleep whenever I can, wherever I can. It's a cure for reality and a weapon for social life. The habit of making videos is keeping me awake when I'm not working. It's probably because of the weather or I am in a constant "in between". Between places, between feelings and between thoughts.
Still a little sad, still a little chaotic, a little bit in love. Yearning for things too far away from me.
But I'm more focused on myself now. I decided to make ME feel good, beautiful and calm. I cannot be neglected anymore, cause it's the easiest way to autodestruction.
Sounds perfect - let's make it happen.
I missed you, guys.
Have a wonderful Easter!

Annoyed with myself.

Thursday, March 15, 2018

Well, here we go.
I’m a year older and I wrote „Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to you” for 11th time.
If you don’t know yet - and there’s a huge chance you do not - I used to share  birthday with a person very dear to my heart. Long story.
I’m always a little bit heartbroken in March because of that. To be honest - more and more heartbroken with every year. February was a little foggy for my mind. But when March started it started collapsing very fast.
It’s harder and harder to stay chill at work. Everything inside me screams and runs all over the place. And I just smile. How long can it last?
I started my Traveler’s Notebook. I run a bullet journal in there and it really became my biggest addiction lately. I love cutting things out, sticking them to craft paper, write, practice my handlettering... It’s my new love. I neglected all blogs a little bit, but trust me - I was probably asleep for the most of this time.
How have I been?
My boss left the company (do I have to mention that she was one of my best friends there?), our team broke, I’m in training for some cosmic, crazy position, I’m still lonely - just enjoying every minute spent next to a friend at work. I barely take any photos or write any poems. I spend all my evenings just sleeping.
Although I watched new season of Jessica Jones. In 1,5 day.
Sometimes I think that I would end like her if I lived alone. And in these moments I'm happy I don't.
I'm in an abusive relationship with my sleeping pills. When I don't take them I can't fall asleep at night (like a regular person) and nightmares never leave me alone. When I do, I have night paralysis. Can't pick a better one, the choice is tough.
I eat everything I see around. Or I don't touch food at all.
I have a thing for cigarettes again. But I'm too ignorant to buy a pack. I'm so annoyed with myself!
I wish Sun shines quickly, I hope it will bring some life.